What not to do after reading twilight
by PerfectPaperHearts
Summary: Things I came up with on what not to do.
1. What not to do

What not to do…

Become paranoid and assume every one who is good looking and has pale skin is a vampire.

Scream "The Vampires are coming out" on rainy days.

Tell Bella she's fat.

Tell Edward, Rosalie said it.

Make a fake thought of Bella kissing Mike Newton in the same room as Edward.

Act vampire like in class.

Skip school and when any one asks say "I was thirsty"

Go to forks and go to one of the Cullen boys then say "I know your secret, don't worry I will not tell if you… TAKE IT OFF!!!

Giggle every time some one says the word 'vegetarian'

Spread a rumor that Rosalie has had plastic surgery.

Tell Alice you have Willy Wonka's laffy taffy stretching machine and she could grow 5ft.

Call Aro and tell him Bella is changed and she wants him to come over and check right now.

Secretly put Jane and Alec up for adoption and give then the _good bye_ speech.

Put Jasper into a kinder garden class full of super active hyper little kids.

Spread a rumor that Emmett is on steroids.

Sneak onto Edward's blog and call Jacob a puppy.

Tell Lauren, Bella wants to have a fight right now, and then scream "BITCH FIGHT!!!"

Talk to Bella, with your eyes rolled to the back of your head, and pretend to be possessed by her grandma.

Tell Bella, Edward has a thing for blonds.

Give Edward a copy of Twilight and watch his eyes widen as he reads then say "and that was the edited version."

Make a long list of things that probably won't happen any way.


	2. Wha not to do Part 2

More things not to do…

Accidentally call your boy friend Edward. (I'm sorry about that honey,)

Tell Rosalie, Emmett is cheating on her with Mike.

Make a cartoon video of the Cullen boys singing "Lip Gloss"

Steal every one's diary and upload it onto the internet.

Start a rap contest between Edward, Jacob and Mike. (Edward can't rap, Jacob sounds like a crow in a blending machine, and Mike just plain sucks.)

Call Carlisle at work and every time he says something repeat what he says, and when he finally gets annoyed and asks "Who is this?" say "YOUR MOM!" and hang up.

Get Bella drunk off of caffeine and then make her go crowd suffering at a Linkin' Park concert.

Steal Billy's wheel chair while he's sleeping, and have a drag race with Bella and the Cullen's.

Give Lauren Mohawk and dye it red then say "it's all the rage in Paris."

Dye all of Alice's clothes black.

Keep saying _Edward_ all day in your head just to annoy him.

Think _Oh no Bella is going to get hit by that truck. _And watch Edward run outside in vampire speed. (If you can…)

Throw mud and black paint, all over the walls in the Cullen house.

Blame it on Emmett when Esme eyes turn pitch black.

Tell Emmett you'll give him a Scooby snack, if he tells you all the family's embarrassing stories.

Laugh your head off when you watch the Cullen family beat him up for telling the stories when he knows he can't eat Scooby snacks.

Laugh harder when he says he likes the colors.

Die from laughing when they say, they had more in the cupboard down stairs and that's where I got it from.

Toss a bone to Jacob and say good puppy.

Say "My vampire ate it," when you didn't do your homework.

Write a part two on "What not to do after reading Twilight.


	3. WHat not to do Part 3

Dare Emmett to go striping in the mall.

Double dog dare him with a Scooby snack on top when he says "no."

Actually let him eat the Scooby snacks. (Vampire vomit is like toxic… well to me because I just really hate to clean.)

Throw a dance party with the Twilight characters invited.

Let Alice give you an extreme make over. (Can you say "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!" because I know I can.)

Cut holes in Jasper's clothes where is shouldn't be so when he goes out he will notice the whole female (and some of the male) population lusting after him.

Let Rosalie ride shot gun. (She'll bitch about why she should get it until she get you drive.)

Doubt Edward's love for Bella.

Whoa! What the hell?! EDWARD!!! I TOLD YOU TO STAY OFF MY COMPUTER WHILE I WAS GONE!

Let Edward get a hold of you computer while you're gone. _Bastard…_

Call Edward a bastard…

Secretly video tape Emmett playing with dolls while singing "Barbie Girl" by Aqua.

Upload that tape on to you tube.

Watch him cry (or dry sob) for a week while the whole Forks town laughs.

Video tape Emmett (dry) sobbing.

Switch all Alice's cute pants and skirts with a Scottish kilt.

Plan a two day trip for Carlisle and Esme. Lock Bella in a room filled with blood; knowing the Cullens would probably loose control if they go in. And treatment if they called Carlisle to help them, you would unleash the embracing stories that Emmett told them.

Shave Mike's head, dye his scalp green, give him purple contacts, eyeliner and dye his warobe pink.

Write a part three on "What not to do after reading Twilight.


End file.
